The way we praise our kids can have a big effect on how they think. According to research on praise and mindsets, when we compliment kids on their intelligence, it encourages a fixed mindset. It implies that their successes are based on traits and are connected to something innate. In contrast, rewarding children for their effort fosters a growth perspective. It conveys the idea that the child's work was what ultimately led to their achievement.
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Instead of saying - You are so smart
Say this - I can see how hard you have worked on this
In statement one you are praising the child’s trait and it makes them feel like intelligence is a fixed quantity. In statement two you are making children realise that they are working hard to increase their intelligence and intelligence is a learnable quality
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Instead of saying - You did that so quickly and easily . You are so smart
Say this - You did that quickly, looks like its easy for you. Lets find a more challenging task
In the first statement you are praising the task finishing very quickly, pushing the child to choose easy tasks so that they wil finish it quickly. In the second Statement you are helping children understand that if something gets done quickly it means its not challenging enough
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Instead of saying - You are a natural at Tennis. You are doing so well
Say this - You have worked hard to become a good tennis player. We will work closely with the coach to make you even better at tennis by putting a lot of hours practising and learning
In the first statement, you are praising the child for something that he was born with. But in the statement two you are saying she is good at something, but you are also allowing scope for more growth
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Instead of saying - That was tough one , Am glad its over and you don’t have to go through it again
Say this - That was hard. Am glad you worked hard to succeed in this. Now you are ready to face more of these kind of challenges
In the first statement you are encouraging the child to run away from challenges. In the second one you are preparing him for more challenges . Life will be full of challenges and it makes sense for parents to prepare their kids for facing these challenges rather than teaching them to hope that there wont be challenges
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Instead of saying - Thats not correct. Are you even paying attention in class. How can you not understand something as simple as this
Say this - Thats not correct. You have not understood this concept yet. What can we do together to make you understand this
In the first case you are blaming the child and he might become more closed . In the second case you are saying that while he has still not understood the concept, there are things that can be done to make him understand
These are some growth mindset ways to praise our children.. Have you seen our growth mindste posters for kids room?
